Love

10 YEAR ANNIVERSARY OF A BONE MARROW TRANSPLANT

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On this very day 10 years ago, I had just finished 14 bouts of full body radiation in 7 days, 2 days of death-inducing chemotherapy, and had just received 2 bags of stem cells that were to help heal my body from a woman I had never met. Each year, February 12 is a very nostalgic day for me. I reminisce on not just the day that was a huge moment in my life, but the entire 5 year adventure of medications, vomiting, confusion, fatigue, confusion, depression, and hope.

I look around me and I see beauty, I see Love, I see joy, but I also look around and see sadness, scarcity, and fear and yet with all those “negative” occurrences I always get asked why I am hopeful. All I can say is, “Sometimes hope was all I could hold on to.”

Throughout all of my treatments I was blessed to have had an incredible support system in my family; having parents, brothers, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins that were always there for me. But even with all their support there were times when giving up just seemed to be the easiest option. That just throwing in the towel and letting life do what it wants with me seemed to be it for me. And in those moments an inner voice made its Presence known. Each time I grabbed the towel, that voice spoke up, “Keep going!” Every time my arm went to toss that towel, that voice spoke up, “Keep going!” There were times that I felt so broken and didn’t think I could walk any more, but the voice spoke up, “Walk my child, for I will support you!”
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I think about the person I would have become had I never seen all the suffering I did. Would I have continued on with my tirade of egoistic boasting? Would I have drifted down a road far different than I am right now? Would I have the appreciation for life that I currently hold? Would I have this yearning to be of service to the world in whatever way possible? Would I want all my brothers and sisters to see the world for what it truly is rather than what we’ve made it? Maybe yes, maybe no, but I am here now and that is all I know.

This day reminds me to take every single solitary fucking breath as a gift! That each moment is a chance to express Love. There were more than a few times where it seemed like death was on the horizon. There were more than a few times where death actually seemed like a release from the constant vomiting, dizziness, weakness, fatigue. But this day, February 12, reminds me that I am here, alive! It reminds me that I am here for a reason. It reminds me that I was not through being a Warrior of Light for the Infinite Source, and that my work was not done. This day reminds me to smile at every single person I see because I don’t know what battle someone is facing. This day reminds me to TASTE my food! Truly TASTE my food, because I don’t know when it’ll be my last bite! This day reminds me to say goodnight to my family even if they’re all asleep because waking up is not granted. This day reminds me to be a friend to anyone who needs to talk and to hear what they have to say because they are important. This day reminds me to kiss deeply! To laugh uncontrollably! To sing as loud as possible! To look into her eyes and see her! To cry with abandon! To just fucking live baby!!1545868_10203098977541770_930541599_n

Truly, each day is not a right, it is a blessing! February 12 reminds me that I had another year to give the gifts bestowed within me onto the world. This day is a day of both joy and reservation. It reminds me of my 5, 9, 10, 11, 13, 16 year old friends that have returned to our true home, no longer present in their physical bodies. It reminds me that being denied by a crush has no bearing on this moment because it means nothing in the grand picture. It reminds me that to LOVE is the greatest gift we can ever give each other, for it will heal all wounds. It reminds me to FEEL every emotion, good, bad, ugly, just to fucking FEEL and to be alive!! To really LIVE!!! It reminds me to do something every day that scares the shit out of me, simply because I can!!!1233485_10202187132946225_482663674_n

As I went through the process of chemotherapy, radiation, pills, pills, pills, all I could remember was wanting to be “normal” again! Not having to take anymore pills, not feeling so damn tired and fatigued, not wanting to puke all the time! February 12 reminds me that I made it! It reminds me that others weren’t so fortunate! It reminds me to pray, to meditate, to walk every moment with the Infinite Presence, God, and to always be grateful! It reminds me to look at everybody with compassion and do my best to understand their story! Others may be on the same path I once walked and who better than to show them Love than someone who has found the Light in the darkness? February 12 reminds me that no matter how separate we think we are that we are all in this together! That we all live under the same sky, drink the same water, breathe the same air, look at the same stars, walk on the same earth.

This day is no longer a day of sorrow for me and a day of pity, but a day of remembrance! February 12 is the reminder of why I am here today writing this to all of my beauty-full friends! This day is a reminder that although life seemed like I was in the pits of hell, that the fire fused my soul full of Light.

I AM grateful to be here now. I AM grateful for your friendship. And I AM grateful that we each have another day to live true to our deepest hearts! I Love you all!!!

All My Love,
Zach

I AM A COWARD AND A DICK!!!

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As I was eating my dinner this evening and texting a girl who has developed a crush on me, I realized how much of a dick I am. I started to realize how much she was beginning to like me and all these images flooded through my mind…

Images of me finding the most beautiful, or most desired, girl at any of my work places and how I wanted to “capture” her. Images of me flirting ferociously with married women, women with fiance’s, women with boyfriends, single women, it didn’t matter, as long as I saw that they were desired by other men, I was going to show every one around me who was the alpha male. Then a quote flooded into my mind…

“The biggest coward is the man who awakens a woman’s heart with no intention of loving her.” -Bob Marley

Here I am, this “spiritual guy,” this person who is supposed to be about expressing Divinity in every aspect of our lives, living with the Infinite Presence, the Most High One, dwelling within the body Temple, and yet I am still controlled by my ego. Controlled by the need to have what is desired by all other men. The need to demonstrate my dominance not with physical strength or prowess, but with charisma, charm, my ability to pull at the innate wanting of every woman, with no intention other than to assert my own Presence.

I am such a dick!!! Can you believe that with all I preach that I would still act in such a way?! Well, believe it!!!

The innate wanting we all have to be wanted caused me to express in a way that I would never be proud of. Awakening a woman’s heart with no intention of loving her. Using my understanding of the qualities the Divine Feminine seeks to my own advantage for nothing other than to satisfy my own ego. For nothing other than to know that I can have exactly what I want because I can. A complete misuse of knowledge.

So what is my lesson? Well…stop being such a dick! Should I be anyone other than what I know truly resides in my heart? Should I stop being charismatic? Should I stop being charming? Should I stop embodying my Divine Masculine qualities and expressing them the best I know how? Absolutely not! But what I can do is be aware of what my intention is behind each Divine Temple I meet. I can be aware of why I am acting in a certain way with women, and in all encounters in general. What I can do is awaken Love in my sister’s hearts, not in a romantic way, but in a way that allows them to realize their own innate beauty. What I can do is let my sisters know they are always beauty-full, without question, and let them remember their true partner is always themselves.

Am I a dick? Absolutely. Am I a coward based on the words of Bob Marley? Absolutely. But without being able to accept those qualities I possess I would not be able to progress past actions that no longer serve me or my brothers and sisters. To look within is to see the heart of God smiling back at you. If we are too afraid to accept qualities about the personality we have developed, we have restricted our ability to change and witness the Truth of our being. Will I continue to be a dick? I will do my best not to. Will I continue to be a coward? I will do my best not to. But I will always tell you that you are beauty-full, I will always honor the sacredness of your being, and I will always Love you.

All My Love,
Zach

Why We Get Confused With “The Secret/Law of Attraction”…

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We often get confused in thinking that if we think positive thoughts we get positive experiences, and we explain why that isn’t the total truth.

http://www.zachtavcar.com

 

Why You Are Beauty-Full…

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It is very simple as to why you are so gorgeous!!!….

Are You Willing To Do The Work?

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What are the goals you have for your life? Do you truly believe that you can achieve those goals? Are you willing to do the work to reach those goals?

I KNOW A BOY…

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I know a boy,
With a heart of great strength,
A boy of twenty-two,
A whole life to gain.

But this boy has a trial,
His body withering away,
His nerves refusing to fire,
Yet his endurance stays.

I know a boy,
But for only a short blip,
This boy has taught me gratitude,
And how to sail on the ship.

I know a boy,
And he has caused me to think,
To keep my eyes open,
Refusing to blink.

For in that moment of time,
When the eyes become closed,
We miss the majesty,
That are the winding roads.

The paths that we travel,
And the flowers on the side,
These are the moments of perfection,
So enjoy the ride.

I know a boy,
A man stronger than the lot,
He holds tightly to hope,
To walk once more is what he has sought.

This boy shows me my woes,
For I drift away from my heart,
Reminded to go within,
Unconscious of his part.

This boy is my example,
Of why I need to thank,
To be reminded of the blessings,
That have always filled my lake.

At times it looked like a pond,
Others a greasy pool,
But always has it been plentiful,
Beyond the mind of the fool.

I know a boy,
Who has been my key,
To recognize my Truth,
To live my Divinity.

This boy has shown my purpose,
Completely known to this soul,
I am grateful for his Presence,
For he has made me whole.

A boy whom I’ve just met,
And yet has alighted my way,
I am honored by his Presence,
He has brought Light to the day.

We must be grateful for our blessings,
We never know when they’ll be gone,
Give thanks and live with joy,
For life has always been a song.

Sing the hymns of Love,
Play the strings of Light,
Give thanks for the other musicians,
Without them it wouldn’t be so bright.

Heed these words,
And take them into your abode,
They will be received differently,
But still part of our road.

Dedicated to a young man who has made me fully realize my purpose even deeper than I could have known and showing strength and perseverance that only an advanced soul could demonstrate

Zach

How Do I Know What’s Right?

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How do we know which path we should take? Which job to take? What changes we should make in our life?

 

REMEMBERING THE REASON FOR CHRIST-MASS…

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Hello dear brothers and sisters,

I just had a wonder-full conversation with my dad, and wanted to share some thoughts that have been swirling around my consciousness with you all.

This year I experienced quite a few people tell me that they were beginning to dislike Christmas…that they were getting worn down by the gift-buying and shopping and the superficiality of what Christmas has become in our corporate experience. So I began to ponder…

Now what Christmas truly is, is not a celebration of a child’s birth…or the celebration of a man who took away our sins. But rather, the celebration of the Divine Presence within all beings and the celebration of the man who demonstrated what we are all capable of. Christ-mass is the celebration of the Christ within the mass of humanity. The I AM Presence that is established within the heart of man. The ability to recognize Divinity, God, in all Life.

Christ-mass is the celebration of you, me, and us! Our dear brother, Jesus, showed us what we are capable of through his own recognition of this Divine Presence. When he realized that all are the children of God, that all are brothers and sisters of the One Living God, he established within his own consciousness and Being the Christ Presence. The Christ, as Jesus spoke, was not for him alone, but for the whole of humanity…”Of the works I do, ye shall do also, and greater works shall ye do…The kingdom of heaven is within man.” These were not false statements, but rather the Truth of which we are all destined to achieve.

And although our dear brother spoke of the innate Divinity of all beings, we continually refuse to accept this for ourselves. Our minds refuse to accept that we are beauty-full without measure, unbounded without borders, perfect without question and so we continue on buying gifts and going to midnight mass to follow the rules of society. On our day of the Christ-mass we exchange gifts out of necessity rather than out of joyous giving. We buy gifts because that is what is expected from our counterparts rather than giving fully from our inner depths, even if that comes in the form of a card and a hug.


Christ-mass is the celebration of US. It is the remembering of our dear brother who showed us the Way, and a reminder to seek that wisdom and Truth that Jesus cultivated within himself. For Jesus was no less human than you and me. He was born of the flesh, experienced the chaos that we all go through, and yet found that although the ocean seemed rough on the surface, as we dive deeper we find the stillness that is untouchable. Jesus showed us that within each of us is the ocean of Eternity and when we recognize that we have remembered our True Self, our Christ-Self.

On this night of Christ-mass, remember the meaning for Christ-mass. Remember what our dear brother, Jesus, showed us what we are capable of and what is the highest form of Love. To remember our inner Truth and to know that, is to establish the Christ Presence within our consciousness and Being. To be thankful for the man who came forth and demonstrated the Divinity innate within us all, and to see ourselves as He continues to see us.

For you are children of the Divine, the expression of True Love, and this day is our reminder to carry that with us for the continuation of our journey. May your hearts be filled with jubilance, joy, laughter, and Love, for that is Who-You-Are.

All My Love,
Zach IAM

Sacred Sexuality: How To Get Over Your Ex

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We have all had heartbreak. How can we get over it?

IT’S MORE THAN OKAY TO BE GAY!!!

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I just got done watching a few videos from the show “What Would You Do?” with my amazing brothers Nayte and Jacob. We watched videos regarding scenarios of gay actors being ridiculed and berated by other actors, and seeing if unknown patrons would intervene. While I watched these scenarios, I was at times uplifted and other times struck with dismay.

I watched as real people brushed off the fact that they were witnessing human beings being ridiculed because of their preference for a romantic partner. I also watched individuals stand up and demonstrate immense compassion and strength for those being berated. Now this is what I want to say…

If you actually believe that being gay is wrong, then YOU are wrong!!! You are completely inundated and brain-washed by societal beliefs and religious beliefs that are completely distracting you from the beauty of loving ALL beings no matter what! If you truly believe that a man (Jesus), who told you to love thy brother as thy self, instead told you to ridicule those who are gay, then you need to reassess your whole life.

Usually, those you read my posts know me as the compassionate one, and saying how everyone is entitled to their own beliefs, which you are, but this time I refuse to take a chill pill. If you even dare try to quote the old testament telling me that man shall not lay with another man, then scroll over one book and tell me that women who are not virgins before marriage need to be stoned to death on their porch. Don’t you dare tell me that Jesus, a man who realized the innate Divinity within ALL beings, said to just “tolerate” someone for their innate preferences! Don’t you dare tell me that a man who hung out with the theif’s and prostitutes and criminals said to stand by and allow your brother or sister to be condemned for their feelings!

If you actually believe that being gay is wrong, then YOU are wrong!! Our brother Jesus said to love with all thy heart, with all thy might! He did not say to question someone’s worth based on their sexual orientation, he said to LOVE damn it!!! He said to look beyond the eyes, to look beyond the vessel, and to see the depths of your brother’s and sister’s soul!! See them for who they are…GOD…and LOVE them unconditionally!! UNCONDITIONALLY!!! That means without condition!!! No matter what!! It does not mean to tolerate…it means to LOVE!!! To FUCKING LLLLOOOOOVVVVEEEE!!!!

Being gay is MORE than okay!! Being gay is perfect, beauty-full, magnificent, Divine!!! It does not matter what someone is, because who they are will never change! What they are comes in tiny comparison to who they are…the Perfect manifestation of the living Spirit!
Being gay is so fantastic!!! My brother is very gay and I love him so much because he is perfect EXACTLY how he is!!! A book written and re-written by men thousands of years ago does not hold the power over the guidance of your heart! If you really think being gay is wrong, you better
start questioning your thoughts because trust me, I’ve seen what it looks like when you die, and you are going to be very surprised at the ignorance you portrayed because some pasty white men wrote a book a long ass time ago!!

And lastly, we all need to start taking responsibility!! We need to take responsibility for each other! When somebody is being teased, or ridiculed, or abused in any way it is our RESPONSIBILITY as brothers and sisters of the One Living Presence to support each other!! It is our responsibility to make our voices heard so that we may banish the darkness from the hearts of others. We must emanate our Light in every area of our life and especially when we see an injustice occurring!! If you ever see someone being teased or bullied for being who they are, stand your mother fucking ass up and make your voice heard!! Make sure the world knows that you will no longer stand for such injustice of any creature of the Divine, and make sure that your brother or sister knows you love him/her for exactly who they are! Support your soul family!!!

This is the only way we can heal!! Forget what you’ve been told and what others have said to you your whole life! Go within the depths of your heart, seek your wisdom there! And when you feel, truly feel you have found your answer, go out and live your Truth, share your wisdom. Bullying, teasing, judging is not wisdom, it is ignorance! It is the very thing our brother Jesus told us to eliminate from our lives. To eliminate the need for self-righteousness, the need to judge others, and to seek the sacred wisdom within the depths of our soul!

This was not my most eloquent post, was I judging staunch Christians and other religions? You bet your sweet ass I was! Do I want you to take what I’ve written into consideration and practice? You bet your sweet ass I do! Do I want you to realize that your best teacher is the deepest space of your heart, and not some old ass book? You bet your sweet ass I do! The time of ignorance is fading away, it is the old paradigm, and we have now moved into the depths of compassion and love.

With All My Love,
Zach IAM