As I was eating my dinner this evening and texting a girl who has developed a crush on me, I realized how much of a dick I am. I started to realize how much she was beginning to like me and all these images flooded through my mind…
Images of me finding the most beautiful, or most desired, girl at any of my work places and how I wanted to “capture” her. Images of me flirting ferociously with married women, women with fiance’s, women with boyfriends, single women, it didn’t matter, as long as I saw that they were desired by other men, I was going to show every one around me who was the alpha male. Then a quote flooded into my mind…
“The biggest coward is the man who awakens a woman’s heart with no intention of loving her.” -Bob Marley
Here I am, this “spiritual guy,” this person who is supposed to be about expressing Divinity in every aspect of our lives, living with the Infinite Presence, the Most High One, dwelling within the body Temple, and yet I am still controlled by my ego. Controlled by the need to have what is desired by all other men. The need to demonstrate my dominance not with physical strength or prowess, but with charisma, charm, my ability to pull at the innate wanting of every woman, with no intention other than to assert my own Presence.
I am such a dick!!! Can you believe that with all I preach that I would still act in such a way?! Well, believe it!!!
The innate wanting we all have to be wanted caused me to express in a way that I would never be proud of. Awakening a woman’s heart with no intention of loving her. Using my understanding of the qualities the Divine Feminine seeks to my own advantage for nothing other than to satisfy my own ego. For nothing other than to know that I can have exactly what I want because I can. A complete misuse of knowledge.
So what is my lesson? Well…stop being such a dick! Should I be anyone other than what I know truly resides in my heart? Should I stop being charismatic? Should I stop being charming? Should I stop embodying my Divine Masculine qualities and expressing them the best I know how? Absolutely not! But what I can do is be aware of what my intention is behind each Divine Temple I meet. I can be aware of why I am acting in a certain way with women, and in all encounters in general. What I can do is awaken Love in my sister’s hearts, not in a romantic way, but in a way that allows them to realize their own innate beauty. What I can do is let my sisters know they are always beauty-full, without question, and let them remember their true partner is always themselves.
Am I a dick? Absolutely. Am I a coward based on the words of Bob Marley? Absolutely. But without being able to accept those qualities I possess I would not be able to progress past actions that no longer serve me or my brothers and sisters. To look within is to see the heart of God smiling back at you. If we are too afraid to accept qualities about the personality we have developed, we have restricted our ability to change and witness the Truth of our being. Will I continue to be a dick? I will do my best not to. Will I continue to be a coward? I will do my best not to. But I will always tell you that you are beauty-full, I will always honor the sacredness of your being, and I will always Love you.
All My Love,