Thoughts

I AM A COWARD AND A DICK!!!

Uncategorized

As I was eating my dinner this evening and texting a girl who has developed a crush on me, I realized how much of a dick I am. I started to realize how much she was beginning to like me and all these images flooded through my mind…

Images of me finding the most beautiful, or most desired, girl at any of my work places and how I wanted to “capture” her. Images of me flirting ferociously with married women, women with fiance’s, women with boyfriends, single women, it didn’t matter, as long as I saw that they were desired by other men, I was going to show every one around me who was the alpha male. Then a quote flooded into my mind…

“The biggest coward is the man who awakens a woman’s heart with no intention of loving her.” -Bob Marley

Here I am, this “spiritual guy,” this person who is supposed to be about expressing Divinity in every aspect of our lives, living with the Infinite Presence, the Most High One, dwelling within the body Temple, and yet I am still controlled by my ego. Controlled by the need to have what is desired by all other men. The need to demonstrate my dominance not with physical strength or prowess, but with charisma, charm, my ability to pull at the innate wanting of every woman, with no intention other than to assert my own Presence.

I am such a dick!!! Can you believe that with all I preach that I would still act in such a way?! Well, believe it!!!

The innate wanting we all have to be wanted caused me to express in a way that I would never be proud of. Awakening a woman’s heart with no intention of loving her. Using my understanding of the qualities the Divine Feminine seeks to my own advantage for nothing other than to satisfy my own ego. For nothing other than to know that I can have exactly what I want because I can. A complete misuse of knowledge.

So what is my lesson? Well…stop being such a dick! Should I be anyone other than what I know truly resides in my heart? Should I stop being charismatic? Should I stop being charming? Should I stop embodying my Divine Masculine qualities and expressing them the best I know how? Absolutely not! But what I can do is be aware of what my intention is behind each Divine Temple I meet. I can be aware of why I am acting in a certain way with women, and in all encounters in general. What I can do is awaken Love in my sister’s hearts, not in a romantic way, but in a way that allows them to realize their own innate beauty. What I can do is let my sisters know they are always beauty-full, without question, and let them remember their true partner is always themselves.

Am I a dick? Absolutely. Am I a coward based on the words of Bob Marley? Absolutely. But without being able to accept those qualities I possess I would not be able to progress past actions that no longer serve me or my brothers and sisters. To look within is to see the heart of God smiling back at you. If we are too afraid to accept qualities about the personality we have developed, we have restricted our ability to change and witness the Truth of our being. Will I continue to be a dick? I will do my best not to. Will I continue to be a coward? I will do my best not to. But I will always tell you that you are beauty-full, I will always honor the sacredness of your being, and I will always Love you.

All My Love,
Zach

Why We Get Confused With “The Secret/Law of Attraction”…

Uncategorized

We often get confused in thinking that if we think positive thoughts we get positive experiences, and we explain why that isn’t the total truth.

http://www.zachtavcar.com

 

Why You Are Beauty-Full…

Uncategorized

It is very simple as to why you are so gorgeous!!!….

REMEMBERING THE REASON FOR CHRIST-MASS…

Uncategorized

Hello dear brothers and sisters,

I just had a wonder-full conversation with my dad, and wanted to share some thoughts that have been swirling around my consciousness with you all.

This year I experienced quite a few people tell me that they were beginning to dislike Christmas…that they were getting worn down by the gift-buying and shopping and the superficiality of what Christmas has become in our corporate experience. So I began to ponder…

Now what Christmas truly is, is not a celebration of a child’s birth…or the celebration of a man who took away our sins. But rather, the celebration of the Divine Presence within all beings and the celebration of the man who demonstrated what we are all capable of. Christ-mass is the celebration of the Christ within the mass of humanity. The I AM Presence that is established within the heart of man. The ability to recognize Divinity, God, in all Life.

Christ-mass is the celebration of you, me, and us! Our dear brother, Jesus, showed us what we are capable of through his own recognition of this Divine Presence. When he realized that all are the children of God, that all are brothers and sisters of the One Living God, he established within his own consciousness and Being the Christ Presence. The Christ, as Jesus spoke, was not for him alone, but for the whole of humanity…”Of the works I do, ye shall do also, and greater works shall ye do…The kingdom of heaven is within man.” These were not false statements, but rather the Truth of which we are all destined to achieve.

And although our dear brother spoke of the innate Divinity of all beings, we continually refuse to accept this for ourselves. Our minds refuse to accept that we are beauty-full without measure, unbounded without borders, perfect without question and so we continue on buying gifts and going to midnight mass to follow the rules of society. On our day of the Christ-mass we exchange gifts out of necessity rather than out of joyous giving. We buy gifts because that is what is expected from our counterparts rather than giving fully from our inner depths, even if that comes in the form of a card and a hug.


Christ-mass is the celebration of US. It is the remembering of our dear brother who showed us the Way, and a reminder to seek that wisdom and Truth that Jesus cultivated within himself. For Jesus was no less human than you and me. He was born of the flesh, experienced the chaos that we all go through, and yet found that although the ocean seemed rough on the surface, as we dive deeper we find the stillness that is untouchable. Jesus showed us that within each of us is the ocean of Eternity and when we recognize that we have remembered our True Self, our Christ-Self.

On this night of Christ-mass, remember the meaning for Christ-mass. Remember what our dear brother, Jesus, showed us what we are capable of and what is the highest form of Love. To remember our inner Truth and to know that, is to establish the Christ Presence within our consciousness and Being. To be thankful for the man who came forth and demonstrated the Divinity innate within us all, and to see ourselves as He continues to see us.

For you are children of the Divine, the expression of True Love, and this day is our reminder to carry that with us for the continuation of our journey. May your hearts be filled with jubilance, joy, laughter, and Love, for that is Who-You-Are.

All My Love,
Zach IAM

IT’S MORE THAN OKAY TO BE GAY!!!

Uncategorized

I just got done watching a few videos from the show “What Would You Do?” with my amazing brothers Nayte and Jacob. We watched videos regarding scenarios of gay actors being ridiculed and berated by other actors, and seeing if unknown patrons would intervene. While I watched these scenarios, I was at times uplifted and other times struck with dismay.

I watched as real people brushed off the fact that they were witnessing human beings being ridiculed because of their preference for a romantic partner. I also watched individuals stand up and demonstrate immense compassion and strength for those being berated. Now this is what I want to say…

If you actually believe that being gay is wrong, then YOU are wrong!!! You are completely inundated and brain-washed by societal beliefs and religious beliefs that are completely distracting you from the beauty of loving ALL beings no matter what! If you truly believe that a man (Jesus), who told you to love thy brother as thy self, instead told you to ridicule those who are gay, then you need to reassess your whole life.

Usually, those you read my posts know me as the compassionate one, and saying how everyone is entitled to their own beliefs, which you are, but this time I refuse to take a chill pill. If you even dare try to quote the old testament telling me that man shall not lay with another man, then scroll over one book and tell me that women who are not virgins before marriage need to be stoned to death on their porch. Don’t you dare tell me that Jesus, a man who realized the innate Divinity within ALL beings, said to just “tolerate” someone for their innate preferences! Don’t you dare tell me that a man who hung out with the theif’s and prostitutes and criminals said to stand by and allow your brother or sister to be condemned for their feelings!

If you actually believe that being gay is wrong, then YOU are wrong!! Our brother Jesus said to love with all thy heart, with all thy might! He did not say to question someone’s worth based on their sexual orientation, he said to LOVE damn it!!! He said to look beyond the eyes, to look beyond the vessel, and to see the depths of your brother’s and sister’s soul!! See them for who they are…GOD…and LOVE them unconditionally!! UNCONDITIONALLY!!! That means without condition!!! No matter what!! It does not mean to tolerate…it means to LOVE!!! To FUCKING LLLLOOOOOVVVVEEEE!!!!

Being gay is MORE than okay!! Being gay is perfect, beauty-full, magnificent, Divine!!! It does not matter what someone is, because who they are will never change! What they are comes in tiny comparison to who they are…the Perfect manifestation of the living Spirit!
Being gay is so fantastic!!! My brother is very gay and I love him so much because he is perfect EXACTLY how he is!!! A book written and re-written by men thousands of years ago does not hold the power over the guidance of your heart! If you really think being gay is wrong, you better
start questioning your thoughts because trust me, I’ve seen what it looks like when you die, and you are going to be very surprised at the ignorance you portrayed because some pasty white men wrote a book a long ass time ago!!

And lastly, we all need to start taking responsibility!! We need to take responsibility for each other! When somebody is being teased, or ridiculed, or abused in any way it is our RESPONSIBILITY as brothers and sisters of the One Living Presence to support each other!! It is our responsibility to make our voices heard so that we may banish the darkness from the hearts of others. We must emanate our Light in every area of our life and especially when we see an injustice occurring!! If you ever see someone being teased or bullied for being who they are, stand your mother fucking ass up and make your voice heard!! Make sure the world knows that you will no longer stand for such injustice of any creature of the Divine, and make sure that your brother or sister knows you love him/her for exactly who they are! Support your soul family!!!

This is the only way we can heal!! Forget what you’ve been told and what others have said to you your whole life! Go within the depths of your heart, seek your wisdom there! And when you feel, truly feel you have found your answer, go out and live your Truth, share your wisdom. Bullying, teasing, judging is not wisdom, it is ignorance! It is the very thing our brother Jesus told us to eliminate from our lives. To eliminate the need for self-righteousness, the need to judge others, and to seek the sacred wisdom within the depths of our soul!

This was not my most eloquent post, was I judging staunch Christians and other religions? You bet your sweet ass I was! Do I want you to take what I’ve written into consideration and practice? You bet your sweet ass I do! Do I want you to realize that your best teacher is the deepest space of your heart, and not some old ass book? You bet your sweet ass I do! The time of ignorance is fading away, it is the old paradigm, and we have now moved into the depths of compassion and love.

With All My Love,
Zach IAM

HARMING OTHERS HARMS YOU…

Uncategorized

I just watched a video of a pig farm and the horrible acts that are committed against the lives of these beautiful creatures. At first I wanted to do a video, but felt that I needed to write instead, no one wants to see me cry on camera. So this will not be about condemning meat-eaters nor will this be about convincing anyone to become a vegetarian or vegan…this is about me, doing my best to get you to think, to hopefully cause you to question, and to ultimately look for the answers within your Self.

The video I watched was horrible. It was 3 minutes of pigs being tortured and led to my weeping. I have seen documentaries such as “Earthlings” and the like which also caused me to do nothing but cry. However as I watched this all that kept running through my mind was, “This is the world we are continuing to perpetuate. It requires sustainability on behalf of the consumer, and without us it will fail.” Then I thought, “Look at all the suffering that we are continuing to propagate as a collective.” And finally the last thing I could think was, “Forgive them Father, for they not what they do.”

You see my dear brothers and sisters, WE are the world. Humanity does not exist without us. Collectively, as a cohesive unit, we ARE the world. And more so, individually, YOU ARE the world! You see whether you have come to this realization or not, you are interconnected with every being upon this planet! There is but One Soul and that Soul is God. God is Spirit. Spirit is Life. Life is who you are. That One Soul, God, is the Source from which we came and the Source that we still are! We are never disconnected from that Source, we merely choose not to recognize it! Every living being is connected with that One Soul.

Now here’s where it gets fun…

When one of us intentionally harms another living being out of malice, fear, anger, hatred, or simple ignorance, we are harming not only the other person, but ourselves and every other living being. This is what Eckhart Tolle calls a collective pain-body. Each time you intentionally harm another being, you are continuing the cycle of pain for the collective. Because it is impossible to separate your soul from the person sitting next to you, every time you injure that person you hurt your soul. Every time you hurt someone you don’t know you are harming your mother, father, sister, brother. Every time you intentionally hurt an animal you are causing pain to the collective soul.

The question I ask you is…do you want to continue with the cycle of abuse, anger, hatred, jealousy, and fear in your own life or are you ready for bliss?

You see, when it comes to eating the flesh of another being, I have mixed feelings. As a fitness coach and a life-long seeker of external information and inner wisdom, I believe that eating meat can benefit many. However, in the current system of meat-culture that we live in, it is doing more damage to our souls than we realize. We have lost the sacredness of ingesting the life of another being. We have lost the ability to give thanks for the spirit of the animal that once inhabited the meat and that gave it’s life for our sustenance. We have forgotten that it is a blessing and an honor, not a right, that a living being gave it’s life for our ability to continue on experiencing life.

It is not our right as human beings to ingest the flesh of other beings simply because we are smarter. It is our right to be compassionate, to be loving, to have a higher awareness of life as human beings and to demonstrate that towards all beings. But it must take an openness on our part.

So what will it take? What will it take to heal the collective of humanity? Simply, it will take a recognition of your own divinity. Each and every one of us must come to the realization of our own unique connection with Source, and therefore with each other. If we are to heal the collective pain-bodies of humanity, we must heal the unique pain-bodies within ourselves. We must acknowledge the Spirit in every life form and honor that. We must acknowledge that we are all connected, so very deeply, and we must honor that. We must acknowledge our Inner Light and BE that for others who are stuck in the dark.

It is OUR time. It is the time of the collective awakening. It is the time to let go of the old paradigm that we NEED meat, that animals are below us and we have the RIGHT to slaughter them and eat their flesh. Now is the time to recognize that if your physical vessel is asking for meat then as you ingest it, you give thanks to the Spirit of life that gives you physical sustenance. It is our time to CHOOSE to buy from local farms, to eat high vibrational foods such as fruits and vegetables, to CHOOSE to give thanks for the blessings that reign upon you in the form of nourishment.

Every soul is YOU! There will come a time, whether in this life or the next that you will realize this innate truth. We have all sprang from the One Source, we are all fingers on the same hand, and we will always be united, every human, animal, insect, tree, bush, plant, everything. It is our responsibility to act with the regality and nobility which is ours as a result of our Divine inheritance. Be the Christ Light that you are, that you have always been, and shine so that others may be illuminated as well.

With All My Love,

Zach IAM

12 Things I Learned From Having Cancer…Twice

Uncategorized

When I was 14 years old I was diagnosed with Acute Lymphocytic Leukemia, a blood cancer. When I was 16, after I had gone into remission, the leukemia manifested once again. My treatment the second time was much different, not only because the treatment was more difficult, but mainly because I saw the faces of young children and their family members suffering…suffering immensely.

2

I wanted to write this not explaining what I went through, for that would take much more than this blog, but I wanted to briefly share my experiences with you and what I learned from not only the experiences I had, but what I learned from witnessing the experiences of those around me who were dealing with similar circumstances.

So, with no further adieu, here are 12 things I learned from having cancer…twice:

  1. Take each moment as a blessing; you never know when your number will be called. You see, this moment right here, right now, is a gift. Each and every one of us is blessed to have the opportunity to be breathing, to be reading this, to be able to walk, to be able to smile. Right here, right now, is all we have, it is all we’ll ever have. Throughout our lives will will have trillions of moments called Now, but that is all they will ever be, right here, right now. Knowing that we can begin to live! To truly look at each new moment with fresh eyes, with fresh ears, with a fresh heart, and give thanks that this moment we can live and experience the beauty of the world around us. One day, we will make our transitions from these bodies to that unknown place, it is a fact of this reality, and yet we still tend to forget we are alive, breathing, living. Not many can experience our Now moments, for they have passed before us, these now moments are always fleeting, and that’s what makes them ever more beauty-full!
  2. Every one is fighting some sort of battle, always give your smile. Every single one of us is fighting some sort of battle. Some of us may have had cancer, others abusive parents, abusive relationships, battles with depression, not being able to afford food, not having a warm home to rest, and so many others. Not many people realized I was going through treatment for cancer and I would get made fun of by other boys my age for having a puffy face or looking pale. I realized that they didn’t know what was going on with me, and that I didn’t know what was going on with anyone else either. When I recognized that, I realized that I needed to smile. Our smiles uplift the world, for we are the expressions of Light. We never know how much of an impact we can have on others with a simply gesture of kindness. For those gestures may very likely help them realize that they are strong enough to make it through their storm.
  3. In the end only kindness, compassion, and love matter. When our time to leave this reality is upon us, we won’t worry about the bills that didn’t get paid, the people that rejected us, the job that we didn’t get…we will remember the moments when we made someone smile, when we laughed uncontrollably with our friends, when we had dinner on the table with our families, when we just stared into our lover’s eyes. Trust me, I was there. The world will remember the moments when you held the door open, when you told her she was beauty-full, and when you gave your love freely. I can’t tell you all the times that I felt sick, but I can tell you when I sang “Open Arms” to a room full of beauty-full souls and gave them a 5 minute break from the tubes attached to their chests or their placement in the children’s hospital.
  4. You never know how strong you are until you are tested. Before I got sick I thought I was invincible…now I KNOW I am! Seriously though, you will never truly know how power-full you are, how amazing you are, how adaptable you are, until you are tested. Life is a playground for you to see how much you can experience and to see how fast you can run up the slide! If you do not get up and run around the jungle gym you will always be watching from the sidewalk. You will never know the joy and satisfaction that comes with knowing how amazing it is to spin one hundred times around the tire swing if you never give it a shot. You will never know how fast you can climb the hill if you refuse to take a step. Okay enough analogies, but start looking at the challenges you are given as opportunities to manifest the divinity that is present within you. Each obstacles is a chance to show your greatness!
  5. Cherish those you love, when the going gets tough they will be there for you. Had it not been for my parents, brothers, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, and all the other support around me I wouldn’t be writing tEllie's Photos 817his today. I realized that more than anything I was loved unconditionally. I am here writing this today because every time I felt like giving up I would picture leaving my parents and brothers and knew that that wasn’t a possibility, that they had to deal with me a lot more before I made my transition. I realized that the TV didn’t matter, the news didn’t matter, the movie didn’t matter, what mattered was that I had an opportunity each moment to share moments of connection and love with them, and that was it!
  6. The only voice that matters is the one within; always listen to the guidance of your heart. You see, I have this problem with taking orders from anyone, sometimes even suggestions…I know I know, I should probably work on that. It took me a while to understand this conceptually and to actually follow it. In those times when I felt like giving up, there was always this little voice, this feeling within me, that no matter how hard I tried to turn it off, would not allow me to give in. It kept telling me, “Zach, this is just a road block, you have much more important work to do.” And as much as I wanted to just turn it off, it was always there telling me to stay strong and to keep pushing. When my doctors said I shouldn’t exercise because of the effects the chemo might have on my heart, that voice once again told me to do it! Now I’m not saying don’t follow your doctors advice, what I’m saying is that my spirit, that inner voice demanded that I do what was right for me, and that was to move my body and exercise. After I had my bone marrow transplant, my doctor said that it was a good decision that I was so athletic coming into the procedure because it helped immensely with my recovery.
  7. It’s okay to share your story, often times it may help others going through the same things. When I was finally finishing my treatment and started college, I didn’t want anyone knowing that I had had cancer. I wanted them to accept me for me and cancer didn’t dictate my life. As I grew older I realized that what I went through was a gift, a very awkward gift, but nonetheless a gift. I am alive, I am here with you, and what I have experienced many others may be going through right now. As I started sharing my story I began to realize that it inspired hope, it inspired faith, in others, that the obstacles they were experiencing in their lives were not barriers but mere challenges that they could overcome. Our stories are part of the gifts that we have to share with others going through similar circumstances. “As we light our own candle, we are then able to help others light theirs as well.”
  8. Your life is a story and every great story has a tragedy. You see, this is a hard one to realize while we’re experiencing the tragedy, but truly every great story has a tragedy, whatever it may be. Your life experience is one of the trillions of stories of the Universe. If you are experiencing immense hardships, just think of how special you are to the Universe for providing such a beauty-full story and for the incredible ending that is soon to come!
  9. It’s okay to ask for help. I know, I get it, you like to do things on your own, don’t we all?! However, asking for help is such a beauty-full way to grow together. In our ability to ask for help, in our ability to be vulnerable, we are allowing so much beauty into our lives. We may meet people who become very important to us, we strengthen our relationships, and we are able to feel that we aren’t in it alone. We all fear dying alone, and when we are able to ask for help, even if it is in the most miniscule way, we develop stronger bonds with those who step up to the plate and create lasting relationships.
  10. You better dance! Live like someone left the gate open! I guess when you are lying in a bed staring out the window and just wishing to be outside you really develop a fondness of being outside! Like I said earlier, this experience called life is a gift and it is a story. What do you want your story to be? Do you want to tell the cosmos how much you enjoy Real Housewives? Or do you want to freak the Universe out by committing to a life filled with love, and joy, and dancing?! This is YOUR story and it is YOUR experience! I hate to be the bearer of bad news but you will die! I know, eww! So when that moment is upon you do you want to regret watching TV when you got done from work? Or do you want to remember the crazy dance sessions you had in the kitchen, the bonfire sing-alongs in your living room, the handstand/cartwheel practice you had in the front yard? This is the only life you have right now…so you better dance!!!
  11. There is always a choice between hope and fear, between fear and love, and it is always YOUR choice. This was an interesting revelation to me on my journey. Throughout my treatment I would get annoyed with feeling sick, with not being able to go back to school, with the fear of relapsing, but one day I had an epiphany…I can choose to think about what might happen or I can live now. This happened a year or so before I stepped onto my “inward journey” as I like to call it, but it was so profound. I could choose to worry myself over concerns that may or may not occur, or I could choose to have faith, listen to my heart, and believe that I was on the right path. Fear and hope exist only in our thoughts, and ultimately they are our thoughts, it really is a simple matter of choice. Do you want to feel fear or love? It’s always our choice.
  12. Sometimes all you can do is believe and trust that it will all be okay. This was the most difficult thing I had to learn. As I went through my treatment, I always wanted to know the outcome of what would happen, it wasn’t enough that I KNEW within my heart that I would return to a “normal” life, I wanted proof! What I realized is that I had to be my own proof, that the proof was the belief that I had and the knowing in my heart. There were times when I was scared (there were a lot of those times), there were times when I got mad and sad and depressed, but when I went deeper within I realized that I knew I would be okay, and that belief guided me through all the fear in my own mind. Once I let go of the fear of the future and trusted in the guidance of the present, that is when I was free.

photo(3)

And that is what I learned from having cancer twice. Each day I am grateful for what I went through. I am grateful for the fact that I learned these lessons, that I remembered these very important life reminders. The experiences we have are beauty-full reminders of our purpose as glorious extensions of the One Presence. As human beings it is our task to love, to experience all that we can, and to BE all that we are and all that we will be! You are beyond beauty-full and always remember that!

All My Love,

Zach IAM

How To Instantly Relieve Depression…

Uncategorized

Are you feeling depressed? Try this…

 

CUT THE BULLSHIT….

Uncategorized

Hello my brothers and sisters of Love,

It has been quite a while since I have written and I felt there is no better time than NOW to re-establish some thoughts!

I want to start off by expressing a very important, and incredibly profound, and dare I say, absolutely eloquent, statement to those of you who will read this…CUT THE BULLSHIT!!!

You, yes you, are so brilliantly talented and gifted and glorious it is beyond words! However, there is this part of you that holds you back…it holds you back from expressing yourself truly. It holds you back from allowing yourself the time to express the honesty you feel in your heart. And this part of yourself, the ego, then makes you question that inner honesty.

You see, my close friends, my dear brothers, I notice that they put on a front in front of others but when it is time for them to express themselves truly, they do so with me in quiet. They talk loudly and boisterously around other “men” about how they enjoy sex and how they could never go a week or a month without sex, and yet when it comes down to expressing the desires of their hearts, they cower like little boys. They suddenly become weak and fragile and utter how they wish they had a lover to truly spend their nights with simply holding.

This game that we talk is childish, nay, a child is true with their feelings, they cry if they need to cry and they rejoice when Presence lifts their hearts. This game is the ego’s way of obtaining power. You must go deeper…deeper into the stillness of the ocean that you are! You are not a wave in the ocean, you ARE the ocean!

When you truly are lying with yourself at night and it is only you and Spirit, where does your mind go? Does it go to the meaningless sex that your ego craves? Look again…does it not go to those simply moments of silence with yourself and a lover? Those moments of peace when the only sounds present are the beating of your hearts in unison?

CUT THE BULLSHIT!!! The only way you will ever bring anything into your experience is being honest with yourself, and with others. As you express what your feelings truly are it echoes out into the Universe and returns back to you. When you are speaking to others about what it is you want, express it fully! There is no need for you to hold back what it is you are desiring! The Universe already knows, there is no lying to your heart! When you are able to express that towards others you no longer hold yourself in resistance to allowing that into your experience!!

BE true to yourself always!

Are you afraid to truly ask the Universe for what it is you are wanting? Are you afraid that if you express it that somehow you may be let down as you have been in the past? Do not fret my dear brothers and sisters for our Great Divine Mother will always protect us, but we must have faith in Her! Just as our physical mothers have done the best they could to nurture us and give us all we desired, so the Great One looks upon us with great Love and wishes all our dreams fulfilled!

Do not let fear overcome the desires of your heart! Express them fully! Do not hinder the creative movement of Life by disregarding the yearning of your heart! The Great Father moves through us in full abundance and wishes for our success, for that is It’s success, and the only way we resist that is through our own disbelief.

Choose to believe in miracles! Choose to believe that you are supported in all ways from the bosom of the Mother Divine! Choose to let Love overfill your heart so that each moment is recognized as a blessing and a way to fulfill the the promise of eternal blessings that we have been offered!

CUT THE BULLSHIT! There is nothing strong about choosing to disregard the yearnings of the soul! By refusing to be vulnerable you are refusing to allow yourself the hope that there are great gifts waiting for you around the corner! The refusal of hope is the same as being caught in quick sand, allowing fear and concern to drown your Essence. You must choose Love and hope! You must choose to believe that the unseen Power is the power that creates worlds, and can surely manifest your heart’s desire, as that desire was placed their by the Great Divine!

My dear brothers and sisters, CUT THE BULLSHIT! You are glorious extensions of the One True Presence! Whether you wish to accept it or not, that is who you are and who you will always be! You cannot keep out perfection if you will allow it to come to you! Be honest with yourself, be vulnerable, and be honest with others! You will not remember the moments of trickery or falsity. You will remember the moments when in spite of all those that opposed the yearning of your heart, you held true to the belief in miracles! You will remember the times when the whole world opposed you, and you chose to follow the guidance within and from there observed the glory of the Infinite! You will remember the moment when you decided to say hi and watched the bounty of Divinity fall upon your life!!

My dear brothers and sisters, follow the call of your soul, leave behind the fears of yester-year, and allow the blessings that have always been yours! I Love You all so very dearly! You are my family! We are One!

With All My Love,
Zach IAM ❤ ❤ ❤

I SHOULD BE DEAD…

Uncategorized

2

This time 12 years ago I was driving home from Oakland Children’s Hospital after finishing my first round of chemotherapy. My dad was driving my grandma and I home in her white Toyota Camry. It was a rainy night…a good metaphor for the next 5 years.

When I think about those moments I think about how fucking lucky I am to be here tonight, able to write this.

This evening I watched a movie. It was called “Now Is Good.’ It chronicled a young 17 year old girl diagnosed with Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia who was out of options and decided it was time for her to live her life. No more chemo…if she would die she would live her life as fully as possible first. Throughout the movie I consistently resonated with the situations she was in…and it reminded me to live.

I began going through the numerous memories of vomiting, feeling so sick I couldn’t lift my head up, the weakness, not being able to recognize myself in the mirror…but most of all I remembered how I promised myself to live. I promised myself that I wouldn’t take life for granted, that I would every day as if it was my last. I promised myself that I would make it through the treatment and I be a demonstration for others.

When the girl died in the movie I thought how it could have been me. It brought me tears thinking about how that was the reality for many of my friends. Around this time 10 years ago I was waiting for a bone marrow transplant donor. I had nothing to go off of. Only the notion that a bone marrow transplant was a 50% cure rate and the belief in my heart that I would make it through it and be normal again.

I am grateful for these movies because they allow me to do my inner work. They allow me to self-question…”Would my younger self be proud of me? Am I living true to myself? Am I living for my friends whose voices are no longer heard? Am I making the impact on the world that I promised myself? Am I living the life I will be proud of? If I was to be given a 50/50% chance tomorrow would I change how I treat others and the risks that I take” These questions drift through my mind this evening.

And what I find from these inner quests is that I didn’t come to play it safe! I did not come as a soul experiencing this reality to play it safe. I didn’t come to worry myself with matters that are not important. And I didn’t come to wait.

When death is glaring at you so closely you gain a different perspective. You begin to look at things that truly matter…the relationships you have, the vessel that carries you, the joy in your heart. Nothing else matters. The bills will get paid, the tests will be taken, the cars will get fixed, but when you look back you will remember the kiss of your lover, the hug of your parent, the laugh of your brother, the fur of your puppy, the jokes with your friends…nothing else matters.

You see, based on statistics I should be dead, but I’m not. I’m here, right now…and that’s all that matters. The suffering I experienced allowed me a new perspective…I get to see the world through the eyes of the dying…of the dead. I can see the beauty in the flower blooming, because at times I didn’t know when I would see that flower again…I can appreciate a smile over and over because there was a time when I didn’t know if those pearly whites would be shining back at me. I can bask in the touch of someone’s skin because there was a time when I didn’t know if I would make it to the day to experience that perfection.

You see, I should be dead, but I’m not…and neither are you. What I’ve ultimately realized is that I am here for a reason, THERE IS A DAMN REASON I AM HERE…AND YOU TOO! Right now, right this very moment is the chance for us to see that! We are not here to wait for our job to make us happy, for our lovers touch to make us happy, for us to get healthy and then be happy…happiness is our choice NOW! Right now is the chance to live the life we want! Right now is the chance to go talk to that person who manages the business you want, right now is the chance to talk to that person who makes your heart beat faster, RIGHT NOW is the chance to start an exercise routine and begin nourishing your body with nature’s gifts.

You see, I should be dead, but I’m not…and I realized that that is a gift. This moment right now is my chance to give love to the world. Right now is my chance to tell you that I love you and we are all going through shit. Right now is my chance to tell you that you are strong enough and worthy enough to do what your heart calls you towards. Right now is my chance to say thank you…thank you for being you!

You see, I should be dead, but I’m not…and that’s a gift. So I ask you…if you only had one week to live, if you had one week to make a difference, one week to give all your love to your friends, family, lover, strangers, how would you start living? Find that and live that now.

All My Love,
Zach