life

12 Things I Learned From Having Cancer…Twice

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When I was 14 years old I was diagnosed with Acute Lymphocytic Leukemia, a blood cancer. When I was 16, after I had gone into remission, the leukemia manifested once again. My treatment the second time was much different, not only because the treatment was more difficult, but mainly because I saw the faces of young children and their family members suffering…suffering immensely.

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I wanted to write this not explaining what I went through, for that would take much more than this blog, but I wanted to briefly share my experiences with you and what I learned from not only the experiences I had, but what I learned from witnessing the experiences of those around me who were dealing with similar circumstances.

So, with no further adieu, here are 12 things I learned from having cancer…twice:

  1. Take each moment as a blessing; you never know when your number will be called. You see, this moment right here, right now, is a gift. Each and every one of us is blessed to have the opportunity to be breathing, to be reading this, to be able to walk, to be able to smile. Right here, right now, is all we have, it is all we’ll ever have. Throughout our lives will will have trillions of moments called Now, but that is all they will ever be, right here, right now. Knowing that we can begin to live! To truly look at each new moment with fresh eyes, with fresh ears, with a fresh heart, and give thanks that this moment we can live and experience the beauty of the world around us. One day, we will make our transitions from these bodies to that unknown place, it is a fact of this reality, and yet we still tend to forget we are alive, breathing, living. Not many can experience our Now moments, for they have passed before us, these now moments are always fleeting, and that’s what makes them ever more beauty-full!
  2. Every one is fighting some sort of battle, always give your smile. Every single one of us is fighting some sort of battle. Some of us may have had cancer, others abusive parents, abusive relationships, battles with depression, not being able to afford food, not having a warm home to rest, and so many others. Not many people realized I was going through treatment for cancer and I would get made fun of by other boys my age for having a puffy face or looking pale. I realized that they didn’t know what was going on with me, and that I didn’t know what was going on with anyone else either. When I recognized that, I realized that I needed to smile. Our smiles uplift the world, for we are the expressions of Light. We never know how much of an impact we can have on others with a simply gesture of kindness. For those gestures may very likely help them realize that they are strong enough to make it through their storm.
  3. In the end only kindness, compassion, and love matter. When our time to leave this reality is upon us, we won’t worry about the bills that didn’t get paid, the people that rejected us, the job that we didn’t get…we will remember the moments when we made someone smile, when we laughed uncontrollably with our friends, when we had dinner on the table with our families, when we just stared into our lover’s eyes. Trust me, I was there. The world will remember the moments when you held the door open, when you told her she was beauty-full, and when you gave your love freely. I can’t tell you all the times that I felt sick, but I can tell you when I sang “Open Arms” to a room full of beauty-full souls and gave them a 5 minute break from the tubes attached to their chests or their placement in the children’s hospital.
  4. You never know how strong you are until you are tested. Before I got sick I thought I was invincible…now I KNOW I am! Seriously though, you will never truly know how power-full you are, how amazing you are, how adaptable you are, until you are tested. Life is a playground for you to see how much you can experience and to see how fast you can run up the slide! If you do not get up and run around the jungle gym you will always be watching from the sidewalk. You will never know the joy and satisfaction that comes with knowing how amazing it is to spin one hundred times around the tire swing if you never give it a shot. You will never know how fast you can climb the hill if you refuse to take a step. Okay enough analogies, but start looking at the challenges you are given as opportunities to manifest the divinity that is present within you. Each obstacles is a chance to show your greatness!
  5. Cherish those you love, when the going gets tough they will be there for you. Had it not been for my parents, brothers, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, and all the other support around me I wouldn’t be writing tEllie's Photos 817his today. I realized that more than anything I was loved unconditionally. I am here writing this today because every time I felt like giving up I would picture leaving my parents and brothers and knew that that wasn’t a possibility, that they had to deal with me a lot more before I made my transition. I realized that the TV didn’t matter, the news didn’t matter, the movie didn’t matter, what mattered was that I had an opportunity each moment to share moments of connection and love with them, and that was it!
  6. The only voice that matters is the one within; always listen to the guidance of your heart. You see, I have this problem with taking orders from anyone, sometimes even suggestions…I know I know, I should probably work on that. It took me a while to understand this conceptually and to actually follow it. In those times when I felt like giving up, there was always this little voice, this feeling within me, that no matter how hard I tried to turn it off, would not allow me to give in. It kept telling me, “Zach, this is just a road block, you have much more important work to do.” And as much as I wanted to just turn it off, it was always there telling me to stay strong and to keep pushing. When my doctors said I shouldn’t exercise because of the effects the chemo might have on my heart, that voice once again told me to do it! Now I’m not saying don’t follow your doctors advice, what I’m saying is that my spirit, that inner voice demanded that I do what was right for me, and that was to move my body and exercise. After I had my bone marrow transplant, my doctor said that it was a good decision that I was so athletic coming into the procedure because it helped immensely with my recovery.
  7. It’s okay to share your story, often times it may help others going through the same things. When I was finally finishing my treatment and started college, I didn’t want anyone knowing that I had had cancer. I wanted them to accept me for me and cancer didn’t dictate my life. As I grew older I realized that what I went through was a gift, a very awkward gift, but nonetheless a gift. I am alive, I am here with you, and what I have experienced many others may be going through right now. As I started sharing my story I began to realize that it inspired hope, it inspired faith, in others, that the obstacles they were experiencing in their lives were not barriers but mere challenges that they could overcome. Our stories are part of the gifts that we have to share with others going through similar circumstances. “As we light our own candle, we are then able to help others light theirs as well.”
  8. Your life is a story and every great story has a tragedy. You see, this is a hard one to realize while we’re experiencing the tragedy, but truly every great story has a tragedy, whatever it may be. Your life experience is one of the trillions of stories of the Universe. If you are experiencing immense hardships, just think of how special you are to the Universe for providing such a beauty-full story and for the incredible ending that is soon to come!
  9. It’s okay to ask for help. I know, I get it, you like to do things on your own, don’t we all?! However, asking for help is such a beauty-full way to grow together. In our ability to ask for help, in our ability to be vulnerable, we are allowing so much beauty into our lives. We may meet people who become very important to us, we strengthen our relationships, and we are able to feel that we aren’t in it alone. We all fear dying alone, and when we are able to ask for help, even if it is in the most miniscule way, we develop stronger bonds with those who step up to the plate and create lasting relationships.
  10. You better dance! Live like someone left the gate open! I guess when you are lying in a bed staring out the window and just wishing to be outside you really develop a fondness of being outside! Like I said earlier, this experience called life is a gift and it is a story. What do you want your story to be? Do you want to tell the cosmos how much you enjoy Real Housewives? Or do you want to freak the Universe out by committing to a life filled with love, and joy, and dancing?! This is YOUR story and it is YOUR experience! I hate to be the bearer of bad news but you will die! I know, eww! So when that moment is upon you do you want to regret watching TV when you got done from work? Or do you want to remember the crazy dance sessions you had in the kitchen, the bonfire sing-alongs in your living room, the handstand/cartwheel practice you had in the front yard? This is the only life you have right now…so you better dance!!!
  11. There is always a choice between hope and fear, between fear and love, and it is always YOUR choice. This was an interesting revelation to me on my journey. Throughout my treatment I would get annoyed with feeling sick, with not being able to go back to school, with the fear of relapsing, but one day I had an epiphany…I can choose to think about what might happen or I can live now. This happened a year or so before I stepped onto my “inward journey” as I like to call it, but it was so profound. I could choose to worry myself over concerns that may or may not occur, or I could choose to have faith, listen to my heart, and believe that I was on the right path. Fear and hope exist only in our thoughts, and ultimately they are our thoughts, it really is a simple matter of choice. Do you want to feel fear or love? It’s always our choice.
  12. Sometimes all you can do is believe and trust that it will all be okay. This was the most difficult thing I had to learn. As I went through my treatment, I always wanted to know the outcome of what would happen, it wasn’t enough that I KNEW within my heart that I would return to a “normal” life, I wanted proof! What I realized is that I had to be my own proof, that the proof was the belief that I had and the knowing in my heart. There were times when I was scared (there were a lot of those times), there were times when I got mad and sad and depressed, but when I went deeper within I realized that I knew I would be okay, and that belief guided me through all the fear in my own mind. Once I let go of the fear of the future and trusted in the guidance of the present, that is when I was free.

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And that is what I learned from having cancer twice. Each day I am grateful for what I went through. I am grateful for the fact that I learned these lessons, that I remembered these very important life reminders. The experiences we have are beauty-full reminders of our purpose as glorious extensions of the One Presence. As human beings it is our task to love, to experience all that we can, and to BE all that we are and all that we will be! You are beyond beauty-full and always remember that!

All My Love,

Zach IAM

Sacred Sexuality: How To Attract Women

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Sacred Sexuality: The Purpose of Sex

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IT IS NOT ENOUGH…

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Tonight I want to speak on a message of unity.

My dear brothers and sisters it is not enough that we are white, black, brown, gay, straight, bi, Christian, Muslim, Buddhist, tall, short, skinny, fat. It is not enough that we separate each other based upon superficiality. It is not enough because this is not who we are!

Each and every one of us incarnate on this planet, as well as the multitudes of other beings, and not who we think we are. You, in your fullness, in your Divine Presence, are that which we call God! We are the Infinite Presence which we call Spirit. Call it what you like but we are unknowable! We are the unknowable in a form that we pretend is us!

We have lost our way dear brothers and sisters. We look in the mirror and say, “This is me! Zach, this white skinned, blond haired, 6 foot tall, CrossFitter, vegan, lover of all things, raiders fan, brother, son, friend, coach, writer, speaker, grandson, blah, blah, blah.” But this is not me. These are labels I give to myself in order for me to feel a sense of identity. The name Zach was given to me by my parents. Zach is not who I am, Zach is a way to identity this form. All of the great avatars, the great saints, have said we are something more than our conscious conception, more than our labels. Rumi said we are not a drop in the ocean we are the ocean in a drop. Jesus said you are the children of divinity. Seek if you are wanting and you will find that it is said by all the great masters.

And yet we perpetuate this idea of separation. We say I am Christian and I must fight all other religions. We say I am white and I must battle those with skin different than mine. We say I am straight and being gay is wrong. And yet we so rarely look to the other and say, “I am you.”

We so rarely take the time out of our day to ask ourselves, “Who am I?” We so rarely, if ever, ask ourselves, “Who am I when my eyes are closed? When there is no sense activity occurring, who am I? Who is witnessing this experience we call reality? Who is the witness?” These can be very enlightening questions for they take us deep within the Truth of our being. They take us to the depths of our soul, to the core of all Life, which is God.

We aim so intently to define who we are because we are afraid to seek into the unknown of our hearts. I am a bitch. I am cocky. I am a tool. All of these labels we give ourselves in order to protect our hearts from the unknown, and what are the fruits of these labels, sorrow and fear. As we put labels on ourselves we disconnect ourselves from the unity of life, from the unity of all our brothers and sisters. We use labels others have perpetuated to define us and increase our separation. “I am an American and we have to protect our borders. I am a Christian and those who don’t follow the word of Christ will suffer his wrath. I am a white and those with different color deserve less.” We can see these very clearly in our every day life…so I am offering a challenge.

My challenge is to begin to ask yourself who you are. My challenge is to question the beliefs you have and ask yourself if those beliefs fit the guidance of your heart. My challenge is to go forth into your day and recognize yourself in all forms. My challenge is to walk with a Presence that goes beyond conception, a regality that only the Divine Perfection could reside within. And as you do this, to witness that regality among all your brothers and sisters. My challenge is to look into the eyes of your brother, sister, mother, father, son, daughter, and observe the Eternalness in their soul. My challenge is for you to let go of everything you thought you were and become what you have always been!

It isn’t enough that you are black. It isn’t enough that you are white. It isn’t enough that you are Christian. It isn’t enough that you are Buddhist. It isn’t enough that you are gay. It isn’t enough that you are straight. It is only enough that you are Divine…pure perfect exactly as Nature made you and as you chose to come forth. You could identify with an oppressed class, but that is not you. You could identify with an oppressed race, but that is not you. You could identity with a thriving group, but that is not you. You could identify with a certain name, but that is not you. You could realize that you are nothing, and everything, and dissolve into Awareness, and you may very well find your Self.

You see, down to the atoms in our cells we all have the same atoms vibrating through us. We all breathe the same oxygen. We all live on One planet. We all live under One sky. We all share One Soul, and THAT is what you may call God, Spirit, Source, Consciousness.

We can only make changes within our consciousness if we recognize we are beyond what we conceive, that we are pure, perfect, infinite, and all beings are as well. We can only heal the world by first healing our hearts. We can only make a change when we become the change.

Do not allow the conditioning of your past determine the miracles of your future. Change your thoughts, change the world. Realize who you are.

All My Love,
Zach IAM

WHAT DO YOU WANT YOUR STORY TO BE?

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I’ve been thinking a lot lately, funny coming from me right?! You would have never guessed! And I’ve been listening quite intently as well. And I’ve come to some wonder-full insights!

You see, us, as human beings, we like to compartmentalize, we like to give labels, we like to quantify things, we like to stay in a tight little box that reduces our ability to expand! And it is so funny too, seeing as that when we were children our hearts lept at the idea of playing a game in our minds! I remember going outside in my front yard, taking my basketball, and pretending that I was the starting shooting guard for the Chicago Bulls basketball team. I remember imagining in my mind the best defensive player in the NBA guarding me and me blowing right past him every time! And somewhere along the way life became too cumbersome and I disregarded that ability.

Somewhere along the way my path seemed to darken, I began looking at the world as though I no longer had the ability to manifest my destiny, to manifest my dreams. This may have been caused by getting cancer twice, this may have been caused by watching 5 year old children die of cancer, but nonetheless I developed this perspective. And yet, all the while I was looking at this life experience as a dark and gloomy place this resilient voice within kept telling me to “buck up butter-cup!” Truthfully, there was this voice, this Presence, that would not allow me to continue on with this self-defeating attitude. This voice kept telling me to dream! It told me to believe in miracles no matter how far away they seemed! It told me to believe! Believe that this world is a decent place where we have the right to dream and the right to see them come true!!

Now, after witnessing what I have seen in my 26 years of incarnation I want to share this Truth with you! So if you have the time…please lend me your hearts…

The darkness that seems to overshadow your life may at times seem pitch black! It may seem that there is no way to obtain the job, to meet the lover, to heal the body, but I want to offer you a different perspective. You see, the world that we live in IS bright! It IS full of Light! It IS a place where dreams come true!!

The dreams that we possess were not put there for our own accord. This life IS a fairy tale, but a good story must always have some darkness to make the story interesting! Begin to see your life as a story. What story is it that you are wanting to experience? Do you want to have a healthy body? Then know that the Universe is wanting that for you! Do you want to meet a beautiful lover? Then know that the Universe wants that for you! Do you want to live in a beautiful comfortable shelter that you can call home? Then know that the Universe wants that for you!

You see, this life IS a fantasy! You might think it is real, but it is not. How do I know? Because I have lived in death, I have walked the shadows that some would call hell, and I have walked the shadows of my own mind, and you know what I found? That the Power I was looking for all along to bring me out of the darkness resided within my heart the whole time. That what I was experiencing was just a way for my soul to have a little fun, even if it didn’t always seem that fun.

I watched as the vessels of such souls deteriorated and the souls departed their bodies, I watched as the parents of those souls had their hearts broken into a million pieces because of the loss they felt, I walked and found the sadness and fear of my own heart and how I allowed it to overtake my mind…and what did I learn? That it was all part of the story!

You see, those great souls who departed their bodies did not die, nor could they ever. I speak with them ever day, I walk with them every moment, they whisper to me, “Do it for us, Zach!” They guide us, they watch over us, they give us unbeknownst inspiration, they comfort us, and they hold us in their hearts always!

No matter what you think you know, you must question deeper, we all must question deeper, myself included. I hear my friends stroke their minds with mental masturbation about how all of life is dark and we must love the darkness, and you watch as they walk in sorrow. I read and listen to brothers and sisters talk about how the world is evil, and they walk in fear. And then I see those who talk of the world as beauty, as magnificent, as glorious and they walk in joy. And I ask myself, “Well both points are valid, this is really THEIR journey, but what do I want MY story to be?”

Buddha said, “All of life is suffering.” And what he meant by that is that as we believe this story, this illusion, is real, we suffer. We hold on to our lovers and when they leave we weep, we become attached to our bodies and cry as we get older, we become attached to our cars and become angry when they break.

You see, the death that we fear is no death at all. The pain you feel is part of the story. The joy that you feel is part of the story. If you truly knew how many lives you have had in the past you would rejoice in this experience! You would frolic and laugh because you know that this experience is merely a journey, a ride, a story. One so that Source may know Itself. We are Eternal Beings come forth to experience all the ups and downs, leaps and falls, swirlys and twirlys of this reality. If you accepted that You would laugh at someone cutting you off in traffic! You would laugh at the challenge to reestablish health in your body! You would giggle when you disagreed with another! Because you would know that it is all part of the story and once you laugh it off the Eternal Presence has something right on the other side of fear for you!

The God that you fear is no God you should pray to! If you truly knew what God was you wouldn’t fight your neighbor! You would not fret over your bodies ability to heal! You would not question the miracles that are your very inheritance as a child of God! You would rejoice in the world! You would listen to that intuitive feeling within your heart because you would know that is your connection to the God-Self that you truly are! You would LOVE thy neighbor because you would see your Eternal Self in them! You would speak only kindness, you would see only joy, and you would Love all beings with all thine heart!!! And when the darkness seemed to wain on you you would be grateful! You would be grateful for the chance to believe in the miracles that want to make their way through you so that you could sing the praises of the Divine! So that you could be a perfect demonstration of what it means to be the true child of God!

Your life is a story! A story that all beings are observing and learning from! You see, as you demonstrate the miracles of faith, you teach others how to live in the Infinite Presence. As you demonstrate a life of joy, of compassion, of resiliency, of Love, you teach others how to as well! As you BE the embodiment of your Truest Power as an extension of the One True Presence you show others the way! Our dear brother Jesus has spoken, “I AM the Way, the Truth, and the Life.” He spoke of the I Am Presence of which is your soul!!! YOU are the Way! YOU are the Truth! YOU are the Life!! YOU are THAT Presence!! But you must listen…you must listen deep…and when you think you have gone deep enough…go deeper!!! Go deep enough within your Self that all illusion has faded from your mind. Recognize your God-given right as the incarnation of Spirit to live freely s you choose to live and BE that which you are!

The story is yours! It is your choice to believe what I have said…it is also your choice to disagree. For the story has and always will be yours! But you should always ask yourself…what do I want my story to be?

With All My Love,
Zach IAM

CUT THE BULLSHIT….

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Hello my brothers and sisters of Love,

It has been quite a while since I have written and I felt there is no better time than NOW to re-establish some thoughts!

I want to start off by expressing a very important, and incredibly profound, and dare I say, absolutely eloquent, statement to those of you who will read this…CUT THE BULLSHIT!!!

You, yes you, are so brilliantly talented and gifted and glorious it is beyond words! However, there is this part of you that holds you back…it holds you back from expressing yourself truly. It holds you back from allowing yourself the time to express the honesty you feel in your heart. And this part of yourself, the ego, then makes you question that inner honesty.

You see, my close friends, my dear brothers, I notice that they put on a front in front of others but when it is time for them to express themselves truly, they do so with me in quiet. They talk loudly and boisterously around other “men” about how they enjoy sex and how they could never go a week or a month without sex, and yet when it comes down to expressing the desires of their hearts, they cower like little boys. They suddenly become weak and fragile and utter how they wish they had a lover to truly spend their nights with simply holding.

This game that we talk is childish, nay, a child is true with their feelings, they cry if they need to cry and they rejoice when Presence lifts their hearts. This game is the ego’s way of obtaining power. You must go deeper…deeper into the stillness of the ocean that you are! You are not a wave in the ocean, you ARE the ocean!

When you truly are lying with yourself at night and it is only you and Spirit, where does your mind go? Does it go to the meaningless sex that your ego craves? Look again…does it not go to those simply moments of silence with yourself and a lover? Those moments of peace when the only sounds present are the beating of your hearts in unison?

CUT THE BULLSHIT!!! The only way you will ever bring anything into your experience is being honest with yourself, and with others. As you express what your feelings truly are it echoes out into the Universe and returns back to you. When you are speaking to others about what it is you want, express it fully! There is no need for you to hold back what it is you are desiring! The Universe already knows, there is no lying to your heart! When you are able to express that towards others you no longer hold yourself in resistance to allowing that into your experience!!

BE true to yourself always!

Are you afraid to truly ask the Universe for what it is you are wanting? Are you afraid that if you express it that somehow you may be let down as you have been in the past? Do not fret my dear brothers and sisters for our Great Divine Mother will always protect us, but we must have faith in Her! Just as our physical mothers have done the best they could to nurture us and give us all we desired, so the Great One looks upon us with great Love and wishes all our dreams fulfilled!

Do not let fear overcome the desires of your heart! Express them fully! Do not hinder the creative movement of Life by disregarding the yearning of your heart! The Great Father moves through us in full abundance and wishes for our success, for that is It’s success, and the only way we resist that is through our own disbelief.

Choose to believe in miracles! Choose to believe that you are supported in all ways from the bosom of the Mother Divine! Choose to let Love overfill your heart so that each moment is recognized as a blessing and a way to fulfill the the promise of eternal blessings that we have been offered!

CUT THE BULLSHIT! There is nothing strong about choosing to disregard the yearnings of the soul! By refusing to be vulnerable you are refusing to allow yourself the hope that there are great gifts waiting for you around the corner! The refusal of hope is the same as being caught in quick sand, allowing fear and concern to drown your Essence. You must choose Love and hope! You must choose to believe that the unseen Power is the power that creates worlds, and can surely manifest your heart’s desire, as that desire was placed their by the Great Divine!

My dear brothers and sisters, CUT THE BULLSHIT! You are glorious extensions of the One True Presence! Whether you wish to accept it or not, that is who you are and who you will always be! You cannot keep out perfection if you will allow it to come to you! Be honest with yourself, be vulnerable, and be honest with others! You will not remember the moments of trickery or falsity. You will remember the moments when in spite of all those that opposed the yearning of your heart, you held true to the belief in miracles! You will remember the times when the whole world opposed you, and you chose to follow the guidance within and from there observed the glory of the Infinite! You will remember the moment when you decided to say hi and watched the bounty of Divinity fall upon your life!!

My dear brothers and sisters, follow the call of your soul, leave behind the fears of yester-year, and allow the blessings that have always been yours! I Love You all so very dearly! You are my family! We are One!

With All My Love,
Zach IAM ❤ ❤ ❤

There Is Only A Stream of Well-Being…

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My discussion on the notion that darkness somehow has the ability to over-power us. Please take the time to watch if this catches your eye 🙂 ❤

 

Bullying Stops Now

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It is time for us to come together as a collective. Now matter our skin color, creed, sexual orientation…WE ARE ONE!!!

All My Love

What Is Enlightenment?

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What is enlightenment? What does it mean to be enlightened? Why do we want to be enlightened?