I was around 15 years old when my dad and I were watching the MTV Video Music Awards when Beyonce won best artist. She walked up on stage, overwhelmed, and said, “First and foremost I’d like to thank God.” When I heard that I blurted out, “Why is she thanking God, he didn’t do anything, she did all the work!” My dad looked at me and replied, “What do you mean? The reason you’re here is because of God!” I thought for a second, pondering life, and that’s when things started to change in my consciousness.
Now this isn’t your average story of God. This isn’t a tale of a man becoming Christian, this isn’t about me blasting my beliefs and forcing them in anyone’s face, this is a different kind of story.
As a kid, our family were the typical, go to church on holiday, kind of church goers. My parents were both raised Catholic and seemed to have consistent views on their beliefs of God. I, however, thought church was incredibly boring, listening to an old white guy in a funny hat repeat boring scripture. When I got into middle school, I joined a Baptist church with my best friend and found myself more interested in the message of the bible. However, the stories were exactly that to me, stories. I didn’t truly believe a man walked on water, healed the sick, died and came back to life, it seemed like a great story, but a story nonetheless. Needless to say, when I was young I never developed a relationship with any higher power. I knew that if I put in the work to achieve what I wanted, I would reap the benefits. That was until I went through 5 years of chemotherapy treatment after having cancer twice as an adolescent.
You see, when I was 15 and watched Beyonce thank God I thought that was a cop-out. I truly felt she was just being diplomatic and didn’t actually thank God. My dad’s response was in reference to my still being alive after having already gone through my first year of chemotherapy and still being alive. I however, felt differently. I felt that as a result of myself, as a result of ME, that I was in remission. That changed within a year.
At 16 I relapsed and had a much different experience that time. I was no longer isolated in a room with no other kids around. This time I was in a hepa-fitered pediatric oncology ward and saw kids as young as 1 year old with tubes coming out of their chests receiving chemo. I looked around and thought, “What kind of God would do this?! How can we believe in God if He has the power to heal and yet all these kids are sick?!” It made no sense to me. This questioning took me down the rabbit hole.
When I was 19 I was given the documentary, The Secret, by a friend of my dads and that’s when it clicked. If you have not seen this documentary, I highly recommend you see it. However, the basis of the film is on the Law of Attraction. A law that is similar to the laws of gravity, yet not as recognized or understood by humanity. This law describes that “That which is like unto itself is drawn,” meaning, like attracts like. This film explains that thoughts are the creative force of all life and that the universe at large is responding to our thoughts and bringing us experiences which match those thoughts. As soon as I saw this film it was as if I was in heaven! I thought, “FINALLY!!! Something that gives me validation that I am the director of my own life and I will never have to rely on anything or anyone ever again!!!” Boy did I interpret that wrong!! 😉
That was 9 years ago and I have just recently in the last 3-4 years begun to develop a true relationship with God. And honestly, only the last year have I begun to develop a strong faith in the co-creative dance that happens between my thoughts, words, and actions and the manifestations of God.
Why I began writing today was because I felt inspired. 10 years ago I wouldn’t have had any idea was inspiration was, that I should just do something. I had no understanding of what was guiding me or why I had such a feeling, simply that I should do it. Now even though I stated earlier that I never cultivated a relationship with the Divine as a child, I always felt like I was being guided. I always had this intense push from within that told me I had to be strong and push on, no matter what the obstacle. Everything in my life was just an obstacle so that I could get stronger and rise above it. Today I finally understand what was guiding me.
You see, no matter if you choose to believe it or not, there is a Presence that directs all things. Not direction in the form of dictation, but a mere guidance to the path of truth. The trees are not forced to grow, yet they are guided to move to full size and provide oxygen, bear fruit, create homes for insects and other critters. Insects and animals are guided to build dams, collect nectar, dance among the sky, never forced yet always guided. Similarly, this Presence guides us home. This Presence, whether you call it God, or Source, or energy, it does not matter, you do not influence Perfection, perfection influences you.
As such, seeing as that this Presence is the Source of all that Is, the Source of All Life, this Presence knows beyond a question of a doubt which path is right for you in any area of your life. As an extension of this Presence, you have the choice to connect fully with this Divine Mind, or pinch yourself off It. It does not matter to Source what you choose in the moment because we are all free to do as we please, yet the joy of a child coming home far outweighs the choice of the child to stay away and not come and visit. Source is always beckoning us home, always reminding us in the most of subtle ways to return home, to return to our hearts.
You see, there was a time in my life where I thought I was all alone, doing it all by my lonesome. And it wasn’t until I realized it was much harder going at it alone than it was to challenge my beliefs and listen to that inner voice, the Voice telling me that I was looked after and protected. The Voice that guided me to the books and the documentaries and the constant reminder to return to Love.
You see my friends, this is a story of faith. Faith does not belong to religion. Faith is a state of being. Faith is a habitual practice of communicating with Source, with your Self. Faith is so much better than sitting alone wondering which direction you will take and weighing all the outcomes. Faith is about quieting yourself, quieting your mind, and with a clear intention listening to the Voice that has been guiding you anyways. As soon as you’re quiet, you will hear that Voice whisper, “This way my child, I’ll be right beside you the whole way.”
All My Love,