A look within…


Hello beautiful ones,

So this is my first blog…I’m not sure what I’m going to do with it but I had a feeling to start one and so that’s what I’m doing. Today I just wanted to talk about what has happened in the last few days with myself.

For some unknown reason I have been wanting to meditate quite often the last 2 days. It’s almost as if my inner self has been telling me to look within deeper and I have been following orders. I’m not sure why I have had such strong urges to meditate but simply that my spirit has been needing it. My girlfriend left for Las Vegas on Friday and constant feelings of insecurity and love have been spewing out of my soul. A strange combination, but it is what it is. I have only been together with my girlfriend for almost 7 months, but I have never felt anything so strong for anyone in my entire life! It is as if I am already whole, ayet when we are together it just makes everything that much better. I can truly say that I am head over heels in love with her, and that is somewhat frightening yet exciting for me. She is the first girl I’ve been in a serious relationship with and I am learning day by day with everything. I know that she is my True Equal within my very spirit, yet I still have feelings of insecurity within me. I haven’t been away from her for more than a day since we became “boyfriend and girlfriend” and the last few days have been tough.

Someone who chose to thrive

Since she went to Vegas I have been extremely scared that something might happen and she’ll find another guy or see what else she could have that could possible be better than me. Now, I know all of this is coming from my own insecurities, but at the same time it worries me. The connection I feel with her is irreplaceable and to lose that would be more than devastating. However, it is interesting to look within myself and realize that I truly am not as strong as I thought. I feel as though I am confident and fully trust her, but I understand that there is no controlling the journey of others. I have concluded that I like to strangle things to death in order to control them. It is almost as if I am holding a faberge egg and I don’t want to drop it. So, because I don’t want to drop it I hold it tighter and tighter. When finally I squeeze it too tight and it breaks. I do this quite often and I know that we all do this as well. We feel so out of control in our lives, or in some aspect of our life, that we find something that we can control and so we hold on to it. Some it’s food (overeating), others it’s their body (bulimia/anorexia/over-exercising), some it’s relationships (abuse), others it’s drugs and alcohol, amongst many others. And when we think about it, there truly is very little we can control in the totality of life. Yes we can eat healthy and exercise to keep our bodies in shape, yes we can meditate and pray to maintain our spiritual connection, yes we can maintain relationships to develop a sense of oneness with others, and all of these things are wonderful, but these don’t control our lives they simply make them more fulfilling. We all have different journeys and paths to take in this life…some it’s sickness, some it’s addiction, some it’s separation, some it’s abuse, but each of these paths make us who we are. You have the choice to ride the wave and thrive during those troubled times and realize the lesson that is being given to you (as I do now), or you can choose to take the lesson as negative and try to control all around you. Of course some don’t know that it is a lesson, such as young children, but if this has happened to you in your childhood don’t you think you have the choice to see the benefit in it rather than the negative now? I’m not saying that things weren’t rough and scarring, difficulties are an everyday part of life, but don’t you believe you have the strength and courage to engage the situation and see how it was given to you to make you stronger?!

There’s a story I like that goes something like this…”One day a woman was looking out her window when she saw a cocoon hanging in her tree. Each morning she would watch the cocoon waiting for it to hatch. One morning she saw that the butterfly was struggling to get out of the shell of the cocoon and thought to herself, ‘I’ll go and help the butterfly so it can be free and fly away.’ So, she went to the tree and helped the butterfly out of the cocoon by peeling away the shell. When she saw the butterfly it was weak and fragile and looked deformed. She brought the butterfly into her house and put it in a cup to gain its strength. She fed it daily but the butterfly never ate. She watched the butterfly wither away without ever having flown until it died.” Can you see the moral of the story? We are given trials to overcome to make us stronger…with the butterfly it was breaking out of the cocoon…whatever your obstacle was it was given to you to make you stronger, it’s your choice to decide if you want to take it as a lesson or a loss. My challenge to you is to take a look within and decide for yourself whether or not you will thrive or wither away. I shall do the same.

With Joyous Love,


“Our greatest glory consist not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.” -Oliver Goldsmith

“Difficulties are meant to rouse, not discourage. The human spirit is to grow strong by conflict.” -William Ellery Channing


4 thoughts on “A look within…

  1. Hi Zach,

    Came across your blog and decided to check it out. I love the messages and the lessons to take home and think about. Often life throws hurdles in our way that we can neither change nor avoid. Instead we must be open and adaptable to the multitude of paths and destinies that exist for us knowing that the one that we are on is the right and perfect path. I’ll keep reading if you promise to check out my blog and indulge yourself in the random musings of a drag queen 😉 Glad that you are doing this!

  2. I’m glad you are aware of all this, it’s funny looking back, I think we’ve come a long way! Love you, and I would never find better 😉

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